


Drive

by margaritaville_antifa



Category: Kraftwerk (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-07-10 20:54:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15957341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/margaritaville_antifa/pseuds/margaritaville_antifa
Summary: Everyone's favorite whipper snappers from Düsseldorf go on a road trip.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> this takes place during 1974 but its an au where karl is in the band already cuz yea.

Karl and Wolfgang stumbled out of the door of a bustling nightclub, slightly dazed and confused. Holding onto each other for support, they made their way down the street, the music still pounding in their eardrums. Wolfgang suggested they go down a dimly lit alleyway. "It's a shortcut," he said. Karl was unsure but he felt sick and wanted to get home as soon as possible. They walked along the road until Karl heard the sound of an approaching vehicle. He looked behind him and saw a large white van heading straight for them.

"Shit, that might be police," Karl said. They both dove behind some garbage pails for cover as the van passed right by them and stopped a few feet ahead. Wolfgang felt his heart stop and Karl swore under his breath, but the driver just knocked on the door of the building they stopped at, and they were both filled with overwhelming relief. They stayed still not wanting to get caught. The door opened and a rather short, bearded man with very poofy, curly hair and round glasses, stepped out along with several other men, all in black and carrying large suitcases. One of them, a man with a thin mustache, seemed to be struggling with the weight of his suitcase so he put it down to allow himself to rest.

"We're all ready to go, Mr. Fripp," said the driver to the poofy haired man in a thick cockney accent. Mr. Fripp said nothing as he got into the backseat. The rest of the men were beginning to load up the van, when a blonde man rushed out and yelled. "We need to get out of here, now! They're sending in reinforcements!" 

"Okay Bill. Let's go men!" The men scrambled into the van, closed the doors and sped off out of sight.

"That was weird," Karl said standing up, dusting himself off. His eyes widened as he noticed that one of the suitcases had conveniently been left behind. "Wolfgang, look!" Karl said pointing towards it.

"They left some of their luggage behind!" Wolfgang could hardly contain his excitement. "This must be our lucky day!"

"If there's anything of worth inside that is," Karl said as he knelt by the suitcase and unlatched it. His jaw dropped as he opened it up and saw the contents. Money. Lots of it. Loads of it.

"I told you!" Wolfgang jumped up in the air. "We're rich!"

"Shut up, you're going to wake everybody up." Karl closed the case back up. "Let's get this back to the flat, we can count it over there." They both hoisted up the suitcase and awkwardly shuffled back to their home, never suspecting that anything could go wrong for them.

\---------------------------------------------------------

Ralf was pinned to the wall, unable to speak as Florian held one hand to his mouth. He shivered, trying to find some release.

"Are you going to stop being so difficult, Ralfie?" Florian said. Ralf tried to speak but the sound was muffled so Florian removed his hand.

"Please, Florian..."

"Please, what?" Florian pressed his body into Ralf's, making him whimper and squirm. 

"Please fuck me."

"Hm. I'm not sure I feel up for that tonight."

Ralf was about to whine but Florian quickly stuck two fingers in his mouth. "Oh, don't even start. I'll get you off even if it isn't exactly what you had in mind." Florian undid Ralf's pants with his freehand and stroked his meat, gently at first but picking up speed as he continued. Ralf softly moaned as Florian planted kisses along his neck, nipping at the flesh and leaving hickeys in his wake. He knew Ralf would complain about that later but he didn't care. He could just hide it with his hair or just fish out an old scarf or turtleneck out of the closet if it bothered him that much.

After some more biting and jerking, Ralf came. His cum ran all over Florian's fingers. "Well, aren't you messy. Oh well, it can't be helped." Florian went over to the bathroom to wash his hands, leaving Ralf, still up against the wall, shaking and panting. His lover soon returned with paper towels to clean him up. Ralf noticed the slight bulge in Florian's pants.

"Florian, don't you want me to pleasure you?"

"If you wish." 

Ralf reached out for the bulge, only to be interrupted by none other than Karl and Wolfgang.

"Hey Ralf, you'll never guess what me and Ka-"

"GET OUT!" Ralf hissed. He pulled up his pants and and slammed the door in Wolfgang's face.

Florian tried to stifle a giggle looking at how red Ralf had become. "We should probably see what's going on with them," he said.

"You go out there. I don't want to face them right now."

"Alright." Florian opened the door and stepped out into the living room. Shutting the door behind him, he sat on the couch where Karl, Wolf, and Emil where all sitting, huddled around the coffee table, counting piles of money.

"There's gotta be about 50,000 Deutsche marks here," Wolfgang said.

"Ja, seems about right," Emil said. "Now we won't have to worry about this month's rent."

"Where did you find this, Wolf?" Florian said.

"Karl and I both found it while we were downtown," Wolfgang said, almost boastfully. "Some Englisch men accidentally left it behind." 

"So you stole it?"

"Nein! They left it behind, it's their loss," Wolfgang shrugged.

Ralf opened the door. "What's all this about?"

"Oh, hey Ralf," Karl said, waving. "We found 50,000 Deutsche marks!"

"What?" Ralf straightened his glasses and counted through the notes. "Mein Gott, you did."

"What do we do now?"

"I know!" Wolfgang stood up. "We should all go on a trip to celebrate our new fortunes!"

"I'm not traveling with you. At least not now," Ralf huffed.

"Fine, then Karl and I will take a trip ourselves. Maybe down the Rhine." Wolfgang smirked. He thought this would be a great opportunity to get closer with his friend.

Florian glanced at Ralf. "Ralf, maybe we could go on a little excursion ourselves. To the Alps, perhaps?" 

"Ja, sure."

Emil got up and stretched. "Honestly, I'd love it if you boys left Düsseldorf for a few days. Then I could have the flat to myself. But let's discuss this tomorrow, I'm tired."

\---------------------------------------

A few days later, the boys were packing up for their respective road trips. Karl and Wolfgang in Wolf's Mercedes-Benz, Ralf and Florian in Ralf's Volkswagen. They waved goodbye to Emil and headed off for some fun, fun, fun on the Autobahn.

\---------------------------------------

MEANWHILE.

In a dimly lit room, somewhere in London, four dark figures were frantically counting through piles of money. There was a feeling of unease in the air. 

"I don't get it. How did that much money disappear out of thin air like that?"

"I'll tell you why," called a voice from the door. It was Mr. Fripp. "I just got video footage from that shop in Germany. It appears that Jamie decided to let his guard down with my money."

"Mr. Fripp, I swear it was mistake!"

"No excuses! You can go back to Scotland, I have no use for this incompetence. Guards, throw him outside."

As Jamie was dragged out, Mr. Fripp turned to the other three. "Anyway, I found out through some of my connections where our money may have gone."

"Where?"

"The cameras picked up footage of two young men taking the money and running off with it. We asked some reliable sources who these men are and apparently they're part of some krautrock outfit. Kraftwerk..."

"So now what?"

"Call up every connection we have and ask them if they'd like to accompany me to Germany. I want these Kraftwerkers found. Just so I can talk to them..."

Of course everyone in that room knew what Fripp meant by "talk."


	2. (You know I Said I'd Always Take You To) Liebes-Strand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cys old ass pirate based fanfiction was an... inspiration for this

Wolfgang’s car sped along the autobahn at breakneck speeds. He could hardly contain his excitement. A full week with his friend, Karl, who he had harbored a crush on for all these months. Maybe years. Hopefully, Karl would feel the same. With all these thoughts running through his head, his stomach growled. “Karl?” He said to his friend sitting in the passenger seat beside him.

“What is it, Wolf?”

“Do you want to get something to eat?”

“Ja.”

So they stopped at an upper-end restaurant, situated on the banks of the Rhine River in Koblenz. They ordered white wine as they looked over the menu, occasionally cracking jokes and talking about their strange bandmates. Wolfgang stared at Karl's face. His lips looked so nice, he wondered what it'd be like to kiss them.

"You know, Wolfy," Karl said, taking a sip from his glass. "I've taken up jogging. You should try it, it might do you a bit of good to get some exercise."

"Oh, please. The thought of that is already making my legs hurt."

Karl giggled. "You're so lazy, you know your fast metabolism isn't gonna last forever."

Wolfgang raised one bushy eyebrow. "What are you saying, Karl?"

"All I'm saying is that when you get older, you're going to get fatter. Then how will you get the ladies?" Karl smirked at him.

"Well, I hope I'm settled down by then!"

"You better find someone soon. The clock's ticking, y'know."

"Jesus Karl, I'm only 27. I'm not THAT old."

Karl laughed. "You're all old compared to me."

"Oh shut up! There's only a five year difference between us!" 

"Calm down, Wolfy. I'm joking." Karl smiled. His eyes seemed to sparkle. "Say... Wolfy..."

"Hm?"

"You know how Ralf and Florian are together?"

"Ja."

"Have you ever thought about doing that? You know, being with another man?"

Wolfgang almost spat out his drink. "What are you saying, Karl?"

"I'm just asking. It's not that serious."

Wolfgang felt his heart light aflame. Now was his chance to confess his love for Karl. "Well, to be honest..."

He didn't get a chance to finish because, just as the waitress came by to take their order, a small man in a monster mask, wearing all denim and knee-high leather boots, jumped up behind Karl and held a dagger against his throat. The man's other hand held a revolver, pointed at Wolfgang's chest. "DON'T MOVE OR YA BOTH GET IT!" He shouted in a somewhat high-pitched, british accented voice. Definitely not from around these parts. 

Karl started sobbing and pleading with his captor. "Please don't kill me, I'm only 22, I don't wanna die!" He babbled as he was forced outside. 

Wolfgang stood with his hands up, not knowing what the hell just happened. As soon as he was sure there was no immediate threat of getting shot, he made a mad dash towards the door. The man and Karl were gone. He fell to his knees, hitting the ground with his fist. "MEIN LIEBLING!" He yelled to the heavens above as the clouds gathered. The rain plopped down on his face, mixing with his tears. He glanced back to the restaurant door, noticing a piece of paper taped to it. He ripped it off and read it.

"Oi wanker! Give us the money and we let your friend go. Meet us at the Lorelei. And DON'T CALL THE COPS OR IT WILL END BADLY FOR YOU BOTH!"

Wolfgang wasn't that fluent in English, however he got the main gist of the ransom note. He had to rescue his little friend from these evil Engländers. So he hopped in his Mercedes and drove into the sunset. Except there was no sun out now, because of the rain. 

The storm only got worse, the rain was pouring down like waterfalls, and large puddles were forming on the road. Wolfgang hydroplaned a couple times, a result of going way too fast in this weather. When he reached Sankt Goar, the whole town had been completely flooded. He couldn't drive any longer so he found a hill to park his car on. Opening his umbrella, he made his way down to the banks of the Rhine. The wind blew in his face, almost sweeping him off his feet, and his shoes (which were not weather-appropriate at all) were completely soaked. Eventually he made it to the edge of the water. There was a tiny rowboat, still tied to one of the docks. There was no other way across the river, he would have to paddle his way to the giant rock.

"How hard could it be?" He said to himself.

Turns out it was very hard. Wolfgang struggled against the waves. He thrashed and thrashed with the oar but to no avail. The oar ended up slipping from his hands and drifting away downstream, so he tried paddling with his hands which didn't work much better. "Ach, I am done for!" He yelled, throwing one arm over his forehead like some overly-dramatic actor in a stage play. One giant wave crashed over him and his boat and capsized it.

\----------------------------------------------------

Wolfgang washed up and woke up on a beach. He had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming or dead. Looking around, he was shocked at the sight before him; a tropical paradise, palm trees, white sand, a bright sun. A wall of dark storm clouds surrounded the area. The storm never ended, he was just in the eye. He got up, shook himself a bit in a feeble attempt to dry off, and walked down the beach, shivering from the coldness of the damp clothing that clung to his frame and looking for any signs of life. He saw a sign, written in what looked like blood: "LOVE BEACH. KEEP OUT!"

"This must be the place," he said. Just up ahead was a very glamorous-looking cruise ship, white with gold trim. The figurehead of the ship was the head of an armadillo. He approached the vessel, slowly and stealthily, wondering if they were planning an ambush. There was nothing. Everything was serene and still, not a sign of life in sight. Wolfgang saw a conveniently placed ladder hanging off the side. And since ladders are meant to be climbed, he did just that. At the top was a fabulous resort, complete with swimming pools, lounge chairs, waterslides, the works. A giant satellite dish was propped up on the bridge sending a ray into the sky. Wolfgang wondered what it was for but his thoughts were interrupted by approaching voices so he ducked behind a fake palm tree.

"Keith, we should invite some girls here," said a muscular young man with large eyes and a bowlcut hairdo. 

Wolfgang looked to the man's companion and, seeing that he had the same outfit and stature, realized it was Karl's kidnapper. A rather scruffy looking man with medium-length, dirty blonde hair.

"Carl, we're on an assignment right now. Once we get Bob his money back we can party."

"Well, I don't understand how our hostage's friends could get to us. Y'know, because of this stupid weather-machine."

"The weather-machine keeps our base of operations hidden. At least, that's what I was told..."

The two men passed by Wolfgang's hiding place. He had to follow them if he was going to have any chance of finding Karl, but he needed a disguise. Beside the pool there was a half-inflated pool toy in the shape of a plesiosaurus that was just big enough to cover the length of a full-grown man. He tossed it on himself, like a caveman wearing the skin of an animal, and crawled after the two men who were heading into the bridge. However, they closed and locked the door in his face before he could get inside. "Scheisse," he muttered, but then he saw another way in, a beacon of hope. A laundry chute.

\-----------------------------------------------

The interior of the ship was a far cry from the outside. Grimy, dark, and foreboding, human skulls gathered in piles on the floor, and wires coming down from the ceiling. In one particularly huge chamber, Carl watched as Keith hurled knives at a rotating wheel which had Karl chained to it, who was screaming his head off as each dagger barely missed him.

"Keith, isn't this a bit dangerous?" Carl said.

"Nah, I'm an expert."

The action was interrupted when a lady in a long, flowing skirt and a shawl that was draped over her head, walked into the chamber, pushing a trolley. "Hallo, Cleaning!" she said, in a falsetto-type voice. 

"Missus, I told you to come at 4:30!" Keith threw a dagger on the ground. "It's 3 o'clock."

"Are you sick?" Carl asked the lady. "Your voice sounds funny..."

"Come to think of it, you don't look familiar to me at all." Keith's icicle eyes narrowed. "Who are you?"

The shawl was dramatically pulled from her head and the lowly washerwoman revealed herself to actually be just Wolfgang in a crude disguise. "LET MY FRIEND GO! TAKE ME INSTEAD!"

"Wolfgang, you dummkopf!" Karl shouted. "You should've called the police!"

"But the ransom note said not to..."

"They just say that to scare you! I can't believe you fell fo-"

"Shaddup the both of you!" Keith pulled a pistol at Wolfgang. "Did you bring the money?"

"Uh... Nein?"

"Well, sorry mate, wrong answer." Keith pulled the trigger on his gun but nothing happened. "Aw shit, Carl didn't I tell you to reload this for me?"

"Sorry, must've forgot."

Keith rolled his eyes and grabbed the dagger he threw to the ground and chucked it at Wolfgang's head. But Wolfgang was quick and he ducked before the blade struck him. Instead, it hit a box that was labeled "CAUTION: BEES." Soon, insects were coming out by the dozens and headed straight for the cause of their disturbance. Keith and Carl ran out, screaming, with the swarm following close behind. For a moment, Karl and Wolfgang just stayed in silence, unable to process what had happened. Finally, Wolfgang stood up and went over to Karl to untie him.

"Karl, why did they have a box of live bees right there?"

"So they could have fresh honey? Why would I know?"

"Right. Probably best not to question it, I guess."

The two men ran down sickly, bio-mechanical hallways, trying to find the exit. Karl caught glimpse of a bright light at the end of one of the tunnels. "Wolf, look! That must be our way out!"

"It might be a train though."

"Shut up."

Karl and Wolf made it back out to the tropical cruise ship paradise and were greeted with a giant tank-armadillo hybrid creature staring back at them. On top of the creatures shell, was a man with a round face, wearing a white suit and a black 3-corner hat with a feather coming out of it. At his sides were Keith and Carl, their faces extremely swollen from multiple bee stings.

"Ahoy, my pretty boys!" The man in the hat yelled out. "I hope you weren't planning on leaving so soon!"

"Nein, we're just looking for the bar," Karl called back. "Can you tell us where it is, Herr...?"

"Lake. And it's CAPTAIN to you!"

Keith stepped up to Captain Lake and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey Greg, I know I let you wear the hat but I'M the captain of this ship, remember?"

"Keith, we've been over this. We agreed to let me be the captain for this assignment."

"I didn't agree to anything!" Keith snatched the hat off Greg's head and put it on his own.

"Give that back, you wanker!" 

Greg tackled Keith and the two began kicking and hitting each other, like two wild cats fighting over a piece of meat. Carl tried to pry them apart but, despite all his strength, it was a lost cause. The tank creature they were on seemed to have a mind of its own, as it started moving and shooting wildly, littering the deck with bullet-holes. Meanwhile, Karl and Wolf had sneaked away for cover while the pirates were distracted. They were on top of the bridge, hiding behind the weather-machine.

"Wolfgang, I have an idea."

"Hm?"

"Maybe if you stand in front of this thing." Karl gestured towards the satellite. "And got their attention, we could get them to destroy it."

"What! They could kill me!"

"Just be really fast!"

"Ach! Fine!"

Wolfgang went to the front of the machine and started jumping up and down. "Hey! Look at me, I'm up here! I'm up here!"

Greg and Keith stopped punching each other for one moment and looked up. "Those Krauts are making fun of us for letting them get away!" Keith said. 

"Tarkus, fire a missile at that man up there!" Greg said into the tankadillo's ear.

Tarkus raised it's gun arms up towards Wolfgang. "Wolf! Move!" Karl shouted, but Wolf was frozen in place from fear. So, Karl ran over and grabbed Wolfgang by the arm, pulling him away just in time as Tarkus fired and it's missile collided with the satellite and blew it up along with most of the front part of the ship.

"KEITH, YOU IDIOT!"

"What? You were the one who ordered the attack."

They continued fighting while their ship went up in flames and was slowly claimed by the Rhine River. The wall of dark clouds was lifted and the weather had returned to normal. From a small lifeboat, Karl watched the spectacle of the ship being destroyed with awe. "Wolfgang, wake up you have to see this."

Wolfgang stirred from his fainting spell. "Mein Gott, what just happened?"

Karl took out a camera and snapped a picture. "Amazing. Wait 'til Ralf and Florian hear about this, I can't wait to see their reactions."

"They'll never believe us," Wolfgang said as he laid back in the boat. "Get us to shore already. I want to sleep."

"Can you help me row at least?" 

"I'm not good at it."

"Oh, fine."

They eventually made it to land, and then back to Wolfgang's car where they rested for the night (and Wolf could finally change out of the washerwoman get-up). The next morning, they headed southeast into Bavaria, lounging about in Rothenburg and various other small towns, enjoying the sunny weather, before heading to Munich to meet up with the other half of Kraftwerk.


	3. Nah am Rand (I Get Up, I Get Down)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres fucking in this one.

Ralf and Florian stepped out of a small bakery, carrying takeout boxes containing slices of cheesecake. They strolled down the streets of Munich to the Englischer Garten to stretch their legs out in the greenery. Florian found a nice spot by the Kleinhesseloher See to sit down, where they could be bathed in the direct sunlight. Ralf opened his box and took a bite of one spoonful of cake. He licked and smacked his lips.

"Is it good?" Florian asked, eyeing his partner.

"Ja," Ralf said, shoveling more in his mouth.

Florian started eating his own slice, it was indeed, very good. "We should've gotten more."

"We can just go back later," Ralf said, shrugging. "I just want to enjoy this moment for now."

Florian nodded and turned his head to look back out towards the lake. But his view was obscured by a tall, heavy-looking man with long, blonde hair flowing like silk, towering over him. Florian frowned. The man was too close for comfort and he wasn't sure if he should say something or just simply move somewhere else.

Finally, he spoke up. "Excuse me, can we help you?"

The man looked down. "What did you say?" The man had a thick, British accent.

"Ah, sorry, I didn't know you were English," Florian said. "I said, can we help you? You're standing awfully close to me and my friend here." Ralf began to take notice as he looked up from his cake.

"Oh, so you own the bloody park, then?" The man took a swig from a beer bottle.

"Well, no..."

"Florian, we should just go." Ralf tugged on Florian's arm.

"Ja, you're right." Florian stood up along with Ralf and they fast-walked away, arms linked. They both felt the man's stare follow them as they left the park.

"What was that guy's problem?" Ralf said, looking back.

"I think he just had too much to drink at the Biergarten." Florian mimed chugging from a glass and stuck his tongue out. "Bleh! I don't care for that sort of thing at all."

"Oh stop, I've seen you drink before."

"When was this? It was probably a few years back, I've changed since then." Florian paused. "We don't even smoke like we used to."

"Mhm. I got a little bit tired of it to be honest. Just slows you down."

"Ja, it does." 

They continued down the street heading back to where Ralf parked, not really saying much, until they happened upon an art-house cinema. "Florian, let's go see a movie," Ralf said. And so they did. After buying tickets for two seats, they sat down in a dark room as the film began. Neither of them could remember the name, but it was some French production about a pretty girl going from peaceful social activist to getting involved with a militant far-left organisation, with plenty of gratuitous nudity and sex scenes in between. Florian thought the film was just an excuse to show off some naked hippie women, but Ralf found himself invested in the plot.

During one, particularly salacious love-scene, Florian excused himself to go to the bathroom, but in reality he was just bored. It's not like he didn't like seeing lovely ladies without clothes, he just wasn't in the mood for it. He went down the hall to try to sneak into one of the other viewing rooms and was subsequently tripped by one long, poodle-booted leg. 

Now on his hands and knees, Florian turned his head back to see what he tripped over and was greeted by a golden trident being pointed towards his face. The man wielding it was tall, lanky, and had brown, shoulder-length hair. He wore a silk kimono with what appeared to be fish-fins attached to his arms. A very odd looking man, but Florian thought best not to say anything seeing as his life was currently in danger.

The man spoke. "So are you the one who made off with Fripp's money?"

Another English guy, the second one they had met that day. Florian wondered if there was a connection, but it was tourist season and there were probably lots of foreigners around. 

"I don't know what you're talking about, I don't know any Fripps."

"You're part of a band called 'Kraftwerk,' right?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Well, we have it on good authority that your friends took a large sum of money that was accidentally left behind during a raid. And since I owe Fripp some favors, I'm here to get it back so... Where is it?"

Florian felt sweat going down his large forehead. Of course the money that Karl and Wolfgang found was going to cause them trouble. Of course it would, he had a bad feeling about this from the start. He should've told those two to put it back where they found it. Then he wouldn't be in this position. 

"Are you going to answer me or not?"

Florian wasn't sure what to say. He knew Emil had a sizable portion of the fortune (to pay the rent) and he couldn't bring it upon himself to reveal the secret location of their flat or KlingKlang. "I... dunno..."

"Christopher!" shouted a very high voice. The trident man immediately turned away from Florian and hid his weapon behind his back, as a very short, androgynous man with dark fluffy hair ran up to him. 

"Christopher, I've been looking all over for you!" The small man beamed. "This city is so wonderous, I'm so glad we decided to come here!"

"Yes Jon, it certainly is... Wonderous..." Chris tried to fake a smile.

"Chris, why do you have that thing behind your back?"

"What thing?" 

"That pitchfork thing. Chris, you know how much I frown upon violence. We should let go of our hate and learn to love each other as Mother Earth wants us to."

"Yes, yes, I'm aware, Jon." Chris rubbed his temples. "I'm just... showing it off because it looks nice."

"Oh! Well, in that case I guess it's fine. I'm going to look for Stephen now, bye!"

And with that, Jon left the building, frolicking and making "zooom" noises as he went. Chris rolled his eyes and turned back to his prey, who was now gone.

"Well, I kinda expected that I guess," he said, shrugging.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

Florian had made it outside the back door of the cinema, and back onto the streets, trying to look for a place to hide. He walked briskly down the alley, until he came upon a familiar sight: Ralf's Volkswagen Beetle. He dug into his coat pocket, finding that he still had the spare key from the time Ralf let him borrow it while his own car was impounded. He got into the small car, turned the ignition and pulled out onto a main street. "Forgive me, Ralf," he said, as he sped off.

Looking around for a payphone, Florian glanced at the rear-view mirror and noticed he was being tailgated by a small yellow car. "Impossible. I'm going 112 km in a 60 km zone, how is that still too slow? The nerve of these people..." He looked closer at the driver in his mirror. It was the man from the park. 

"Sir, I really don't know what you want from me," Florian yelled from the window. "You can have that park to yourself." His answer came in the form of a hurled bottle, which he barely dodged.

"Rick, can you stop throwing those? I hate littering," said a small, scrawny man in the passenger seat of the yellow car.

"He was making fun of me," Rick slurred.

"Oh god, you sound absolutely knackered right now."

"I am not, Steven."

"It's STEPHEN."

"Whatever, Steven," Rick sped up as he took another sip from the bottle. "What's that up ahead? A roundabout?"

"No you idiot! It's a T intersection! Quick, turn, turn!" Steve tried to grab at the wheel but it was too little too late. Rick crashed the car into a store-front window.

Florian looked back and heaved a sigh of relief at not being followed anymore. He pulled over next to a payphone and looked through his wallet for spare change. As he got out, a mustached man stepped out from an alleyway with five bulldogs on a lead.

"Don't move or I'll unleash my dogs and they'll... Lick you to death!"

"No! I can't afford to get animal slobber on this suit!" Florian ran in the opposite direction, chased by a ravenous pack of puppies. He threw down a trash can, hoping it would slow them down, but they were unusually persistent. _Oh, Flori, how are you going to get yourself out of this mess_ , he thought. Up ahead and up above, there was a fire escape just low enough for someone to jump up and grab. He mustered all the strength he had in his legs and swooced right up to the the first rung of the ladder.

"Aw rats," said the mustached man.

Florian climbed until he finally made it to the Munich rooftops. "Wow, I am on the rooftops!" He exclaimed loudly, to the world. "I can see the theater from here! I hope Ralf is okay..."

Ralf was indeed okay. There was a beautifully shot sex scene happening on the movie screen. Ralf cried at the end.

Back on the roofs, Florian was playing his flute to an audience of nearby pigeons when a dark shadow loomed over him. He looked up and to his amazement, it was the man known as "Christopher" gliding over him using his "fins." In his right hand, was the trident.

"Tell me where the money is or face the consequences."

"I'd rather not..."

Chris readied his weapon, and Florian prepared for the worst. _So, this is how it ends? At least my death will be interesting_. The trident was launched at it's intended target, but the middle prong, which was also the longest, hit Florian's metal music note brooch with such force that it bounced off, the blunt end hitting Chris in his stomach and sending him flying backwards. 

"Huh," Florian said, looking at his brooch which was barely scratched. "I always knew this would come in handy, one day."

On the banks of the river Isar, a very young, tall man was relaxing in the sun with his friends. "Ah, what's better than this?" He said in an Afrikanners accent. "Just dudes bein-" At that moment, Chris landed violently on his midsection, and he screamed. "Oh GOD, my SPLEEN!"

\----------------------------------------------

"Where have you been?" Ralf yelled at Florian from the sidewalk as Florian pulled the Beetle up to the curb. "And why are you driving MY car when I didn't give you permission to do so?"

Florian got out and handed the keys over to Ralf who promptly snatched them from his hand. "Ralf, I can explain. I was attacked by some sort of British hippie mafia."

"What? You're making things up!" Ralf said. "Another one of your practical jokes, I'm assuming."

"I'm serious! All these men with long hair were coming after me! I had to get away and..."

"And what?"

"I wanted to get them to chase me so they wouldn't, y'know, get you. I didn't mean to leave you alone for that long."

Ralf sighed. "Well, I suppose getting attacked suddenly by thugs isn't uncommon."

"So, I'm forgiven?"

Ralf slyly smiled. "I'll think about it."

\------------------------------------------------

Night had fallen, Ralf was still driving the car through rural Bavaria. "Ralfie?" Florian said. "Why don't we stop for the night?"

"Alright." Ralf found a spot to pull over, a very isolated spot with a forest nearby. He rolled the window down and heard the sound of a nearby stream. "Hmm..."

"What are you thinking about, Ralfie?"

"I'm going to take a quick swim, I need to wash up," Ralf said, getting out of the car. "Do you want to come with me?"

"I'll stay here, I don't want to go out in that forest at this hour."

"Alright, I'll be back."

Ralf walked through the forest, carrying a small bag, until he found the river. He stripped out of his leather pants and white sweatshirt and stepped into the water. It was quite shallow, only coming up to his calves. He sat down on his knees, gasping at the sensation of the cold water lapping at his exposed flesh. It was too cold. He sprang right up and scurried up on top of a smooth boulder that was nearby. Dipping his toes into the stream, he ran his hands over his chest and slowly down his belly, to his cock. He stroked himself, softly moaning in his hand. But it wasn't enough. He reached out towards his bag and pulled out a small bottle. He needed a release.

Florian was lounging in the backseat, when he heard a knock on the window. He sat up and saw it was Ralf, nude and dripping wet, clutching his clothes and bag to his chest. "Florian, let me in, I'm cold!" 

Florian unlocked the door and Ralf scrambled inside the back, sitting himself on Florian's lap. He couldn't help but laugh at the thought of Ralf, with his flabby, soft body, scurrying through the woods. "Ralf, where have your clothes gone?"

"I didn't want to put them back on." Ralf kissed Florian on the mouth, and then leaned in to nip at his earlobe. "You should get undressed too. I want to have some fun with you."

Florian wrapped his arms around Ralf's neck and shoulders, pulling him in for a long, steamy kiss. He ran his fingers through Ralf's wavy locks while Ralf fumbled with the buttons on Florian's shirt. Florian broke the kiss momentarily to take it off himself, tossing it to the side. He took the glasses off Ralf's face, already fogged up from all the tonsil hockey, and leaned over as far as he could to place them gently on the front seat. Turning his attention back to Ralf, Florian ran his fingers delicately across his torso, lightly scratching him.

"Florian, c'mon. Let's get to it already."

"There you go, ordering me around like that," Florian said, jokingly. "Why don't you get on your knees first?"

Ralf slid off Florian's lap and into the tiny legroom space between the front and back seats. It was a tight squeeze and, especially being caught between Florian's legs, Ralf felt stuck. He could barely move and yet it was almost exciting to him. He rubbed his palm against the bulge in Florian's pants before unzipping them and unleashing the V-2. Ralf licked the head as if it were an ice cream cone that he was test-tasting. Florian tapped his side lightly with one foot. "More. Keep going."

Ralf's mouth engulfed the length, his head being (gently) pushed down by Florian's hand. He sucked on it as Florian moved his hips as best as he could in that tight space, slowly fucking Ralf's mouth until his lips became swollen. Looking down, Florian noticed that one of Ralf had sneakily moved a hand down to pleasure himself, so he pulled out. "I think we can move on now." He shuffled a bit to help Ralf get up and shoved him on his back onto the seats. He crawled over him, pinning his arms down with one hand and reaching for the lube with the other.

"Ah, you don't need to uh, finger me," Ralf managed to spit out. "I already took care of that at the river."

"Couldn't wait?"

Ralf nodded. "It was killing me, I just had to do something about it but even that wasn't en-"

"Ralf, just be quiet."

"Okay."

Ralf wrapped his legs around Florian's waist, and gasped as inch by inch of the Schneider Rocket was pushed into him. Florian kissed him while he buried himself, balls-deep, in the hole before pulling out half-way and slamming back in. "Oh, god... " Ralf softly moaned, still trying to keep it together. Florian thrusted into him, harder and faster, just the way his "Boss" liked it. Ralf clawed at his lover's back, his breathing getting more heavy. "Ah... Florian... I love you."

"I know, Ralfie," Florian said, planting a sloppy, wet kiss on Ralf's cheek. Ralf couldn't help but laugh in between his breathy moaning.

"Florian, ah, stop it."

Florian kissed him again while slipping a hand between their bodies to grasp Ralf's cock to jerk him off. Ralf couldn't even speak anymore, he felt like he was melting into the seats. He closed his eyes and his body tensed up as he reached orgasm. Feeling Ralf clenching around him, Florian reached his own climax while still deep inside. He pulled out, his cum dripping out of Ralf's hole, and collapsed on top of Ralf, panting. 

They laid down, cuddling and kissing, for a couple minutes. Florian traced a finger down Ralf's plump belly, accidentally touching the drying cum that was still there. "Ah, I'll go get some tissues real quick."

Ralf waited as Florian fetched some wet wipes from the trunk. He purred as he was cleaned thoroughly, loving the attention he was receiving. "Ah, Flori, I'm tired..."

"I know, Ralf, I am too," Florian said, pulling a fleece blanket over their bodies as he settled back down next to his partner. He kissed Ralf on his cheekbone. "Gute Nacht."

"Gute Nacht."

\---------------------------------------------------

Ralf was abruptly awoken by a loud rapping at the car door. "ACH! Who's there?"

"Ralf, it's me!" Ralf recognized that voice. He reached for his glasses, put them on, and looked up to see Karl looking into the window.

"Can you please wait? Florian and I are trying to have a private moment!"

"Okay!" Karl backed off. Florian was stirred from the yelling.

"What's all this ruckus?" He yawned, holding his head up.

"Our percussionists have found us."

"Oh."

Outside the car, Karl and Wolfgang waited for their bandmates. The car rocked a bit and Ralf emerged, wearing a black turtleneck and leather pants. Florian followed shortly afterwards, in his suit.

"So, did you two have fun last night?" Wolfgang winked.

"Ja," Ralf said, looking towards the ground. He wanted to say something else but he couldn't find the words.

"Ralf and I had a very nice date yesterday," Florian jumped in. "How did you two find us, though? I thought you were both still back west."

"We ran into a lot of trouble with these three guys," Karl said. "I got kidnapped by a man with a knife and he took me on board this giant boat. Almost like a pirate, really!"

"That's strange, I was also attacked yesterday."

"Do you think it's connected?" 

"Maybe... Ralf, what do you think?" Florian turned to Ralf.

"I don't know, we can't go back to Düsseldorf right now. We might lead them back to our flat. Or worse. KlingKlang!"

Wolfgang threw his arms in the air. "Karl and Florian could've been killed and all you can think about is your precious studio!" 

"Wolfy, shut up," Karl said. "Do you have any ideas on where we should go?"

"Yes," Ralf said. "Hamburg!"


	4. Das Abendessen Ist Fertig

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a while (like a couple weeks) but im back on my bullshit
> 
> shoulda named this whole fic like 'fahren' or something just to keep it consistent with the (badly translated) chapter names... maybe i might rename it idk

Florian, Karl, and Wolfgang all sat at a round table in a late-night café, looking outside the window at Ralf, who was at a payphone, trying to ring up Emil, but without much success. Karl got up and opened the entrance door. “Ralf!” He said. “He’s probably sleeping, maybe you should call him tomorrow.”

“Let me try one more time,” Ralf said, dialing the number once again. He finally heard a click on the other side.

“Hallo? Who is it?”

“Emil, it’s me.”

“Ralfie? Where are you and Florian at? I thought you’d be back tonight.”

“We’re in Hamburg right now.”

“What? Why are you all the way up there?”

“Karl and Wolfgang made some people mad at us. You know, because of that money they found.”

“Oh?”

“So we’re hiding up here until this all blows over.”

“I see… Well, have fun up there, I guess. Gute Nacht, Ralfie.”

“Gute Nacht,” Ralf said, hanging up. He walked back inside the café, the door being held open by Karl.

“Really, that call couldn’t wait until tomorrow?” Karl said.

“I didn’t want him to worry.” Ralf sat down next to Florian, resting his head on his shoulder.

Karl sighed. “Should we get out of here and get a hotel?”

Florian yawned. “Ja, I want to sleep in an actual bed for once.”

The four men walked out to their cars parked along the sidewalk. On the hood of Wolfgang’s car, was a bundle of red fur. “What is that?” Wolfgang pointed at it.

“A cat?” Ralf said, getting closer to the small animal. “Kitty?” He cooed as he reached a hand out to pet it.

The “cat” quickly awoke and stood up on its legs, revealing itself to not be a feline at all, but a fox. Ralf stumbled backwards, almost falling back but he was saved by Florian. The fox stared at them with wild eyes. “What is this wild animal doing here?” Ralf said. “We’re in the middle of a city!”

“Maybe, there’s a park nearby?” Karl said. “I wish it would stop looking at us like that, though. It’s really weird.”

Wolfgang stood up to it. “Well, I wish it would get off my CAR.” He attempted to shoo it away, but the fox stood still. “Florian, can you make it go away?”

“I don’t speak fox.”

“I don’t mean that, can you just push it off or something?”

“I’m not getting rabies, you do it. It’s your car.”

The fox, clearly bored of hearing these German men argue with each other, hopped off the car and snatched Ralf’s wallet out of his hands with it’s mouth. “Ach! Give that back, you little thief!” The fox ran off with Ralf following it in hot pursuit.

Florian sighed. “Well, we better go after him before he gets into trouble.” 

It wasn’t long before the fox led Ralf to an old cemetery. He was about to go through the gates but was yanked backwards by his shirt collar. “Florian, let me go! I can’t let that animal get away!”

“You’re not going in there,” Florian said. “Not at this hour.” He shuddered.

Ralf looked up at the sign over the gate that said “FRIEDHOF” and scoffed. “You’re not afraid of ghosts, are you?”

“Of course not, but… You just never know, there might be strange people lurking about.”

“You say that like we’re not strange people ourselves.”

“Can’t argue with you there, Ralf,” Karl chimed in.

Florian rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine. But I’m coming in with you.”

Karl and Wolfgang watched as the Alpha couple of their little ensemble walked through the gates and into the misty darkness. “I have a really bad feeling about this,” Karl said. 

“Me too,” said Wolfgang. “Do we dare enter?”

“Hmm. Maybe we should, just to keep an eye on those two.”

Ralf and Florian had followed the fox all the way to the entrance of a mausoleum. The door had been left open and the fox slipped inside. Ralf was about to enter as well but he was stopped once again by his partner.

“Ralf, you can’t just waltz in there! It’s illegal! Well, probably illegal I guess.”

“Since when have I cared about the law,” Ralf said, annoyed. “I'm an anarchist after all. Now let me go, you can stay up here if you’re so scared.”

“I’m not scared! I’ll go in with you.” Florian held Ralf’s hand tightly as they entered the tomb and descended the stairs which were only lit by wall mounted candles. Then, all of the sudden, Florian felt the sting of a needle embedding itself in his back shoulder. “Ouch! Ralf was that you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I thought I… felt something…” Florian could barely finish his sentence. He fell onto his hands and knees before slumping on his side and passing out. Ralf saw the feathered tranq dart sticking out of his partner and realized that they had fallen right into a trap.

Outside the tombs, Karl and Wolf heard the world's most pathetic cry for help from the depths of one of the tombs. "Ralf! Something must've got them!" Karl said.

"Let's get out of here, Karl!"

"We have to help them though!" Karl heard an eerie howl coming from somewhere far away and he froze.

Wolfgang grabbed onto Karl's arm and pulled him behind a tombstone. They sat in the grass, huddling together for warmth and comfort. "We'll just hide here until it's safe," Wolfgang whispered.

"Okay," Karl whimpered. He snuggled closer to his friend. Despite being scared, he liked the intimacy he had with Wolfgang at that moment. "I love you, Wolfy," he murmured.

"What was that you just said?"

"Oh, it was nothing." 

 

When Ralf and Florian awoke, they found themselves hanging in a net over a boiling pot of water. “Ralf, is it me or is it very hot in here?” Florian said, dabbing the sweat off his forehead with a tissue.

Ralf looked below the net towards the source of the heat. “Oh.”

“Wha- oh… Well, this is certainly a perilous situation we’ve gotten ourselves into, huh Ralf?”

“Are you boys finally awake?” Ralf and Flori looked toward the source of the voice and saw a very pretty man in a glittery cape with batwings coming out of his head. There was a bald spot where his hair part should’ve been. “I’ve been waiting forever.”

“Who are you?”

“Me?” The man paused. “I am the Watcher of the Skies. The Watcher of All.”

Ralf rolled his eyes. “Oh Good, we got captured by a nutcase,” he muttered. 

“I know, but maybe we can try to bargain with him?” Florian turned back to the strange man. “Hey, Herr Watcher? We didn’t mean to intrude on your domain, my friend here just wanted to retrieve his wallet after it was stolen by some brazen wild animal. I’m sure you understand, right?”

“Oh, you mean this thing?” The man held up the wallet. “Well, you see sir, I actually talked my foxy friend into doing that for me. It wasn’t an accident, you were meant to be led here.”

“Why are you so interested in us?”

“I don’t know, some friends of mine asked me to but I can’t remember the reason why… Oh well, at least it’s nice to have some company over for dinner, wouldn’t you agree? Speaking of which, I wonder what’s taking Phil so bloody long? I gave him a list of all the vegetables and things I needed for the soup…” 

The Watcher opened up Ralf’s wallet and fished through it’s contents while Ralf sat helplessly in his hanging prison. “What’s this?” He held up one DM note. “Money? I think money is… Disgusting.” He produced a pair of scissors and cut the bill in half.

“Oh, you bastard,” Ralf said. The Watcher did the same thing to another note. And another. And another. “STOP! Please, Watcher, I’ll do anything!” 

“Ralf, PLEASE calm down!” Florian said, grabbing hold of his partner. “You’re going to rip the net and then we’d both fall into that pot!”

“Hey Peter! What’s all the commotion?” A short beardy man was walking down the stairs of the catacombs, carrying several bags of groceries. "I got everything you needed! Carrots, cabbage, onions-Oh shit." Phil stepped on a rollerskate that just happened to be lying around and rolled into the pot knocking it over and dousing the Watcher (or Peter) with boiling hot water.

"You cursed drummer! Look what you've DONE!" Peter screeched. "Oh, I'm melting, I'm melting! What a world, what a world..."

Peter fell on the floor. His body was motionless but still intact.

"Peter, get up," Phil said. He looked up at the two Germans, still trapped in the net. "Ah, I should probably let you gents out so you can be on your way."

"That would be nice, Ja."

 

Ralf and Florian walked out of the tomb, unscathed but tired and confused. Ralf was still fretting about his money.

"Maybe we can just tape it back together?" Florian said.

"Nein! Nobody will accept it like that!"

"Well, maybe we can just go to the bank tomorrow and explain what happened and they'll give you replacements?"

"Tomorrow's Sunday."

"Oh."

Just then, Wolfgang popped out, seemingly out of nowhere. Ralf squeaked and jumped behind Florian.

"You two are alive! Thank God!" Wolfgang said. "Karl and I thought you both were murdered."

"Don't scare me like that, Wolfgang!" Ralf said. "Wait. You guys knew we were in danger?"

"Uh-"

"And you didn't help?"

"We were scared!"

"Look," Florian said. "The important thing is that we are all fine and not dead. Now, let's get out of here, graveyards are boring."

 

Cruising on the autobahn, back to Düsseldorf, Ralf and Florian were itching to get back home. They had a nice time in Hamburg (aside from the cemetery incident), lounging around on the beaches lining the River Elbe, But it was time to get back to work at the Kling Klang. As usual.

Ralf knocked on the door at the flat. "Emil? Are you home?" He unlocked the door and gasped in shock. The flat was entirely ransacked and Emil was no where in sight.


	5. Der Rote König

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey this is still the same dude writing this garbage, i just changed me username because i wanna cover my tracks up a bit so dont be alarmed. peace

Ralf was absolutely beside himself, sobbing over his dear friend, Emil. “Who could’ve done such a thing? How did they find our flat?” He blew into a tissue. “Oh Florian… Who’s going to do our album covers now?”

“Calm down, Ralfie. We just need to call the police and they will take care of everything. Now then…” Florian stumbled around the apartment, stepping over shards of broken glass and china. “If I can only find the phone…”

“Look what I found!” Wolfgang said, holding up a piece of paper. “It’s written in English though, I can’t really read it…”

“Give me that!” Ralf snatched it out of Wolfgang’s hands and looked it over. “It’s a ransom note. They’ve taken Emil!”

“We already figured that much out,” Florian said. “Where did they take him?”

“Frankfurt!”

 

Florian pulled up to the address that was on the ransom note. It was a run-down hotel right in the heart of Frankfurt, the financial center of Germany. He opened the trunk and dragged the briefcase out. 

“Are you guys really just gonna hand them the money?” Wolfgang said.

“Ja,” Florian said. “I just want this mess to be over with.”

Wolfgang slightly shrugged and went to follow Florian into the hotel but Ralf quickly raised an arm and blocked him. “You can’t come in. You’ve caused enough trouble already.”

“But…”

Karl tugged on Wolf’s arm. “Come on Wolfy, let’s just get some ice cream instead.”

“Okay.”

Ralf watched Karl and Wolfgang run off down the street. “With our luck, they’ll probably get us into more trouble.”

“Let’s just get this taken care of,” Florian said. Ralf nodded. They both walked inside, up to the reception desk.

“Can I help you?” The lady behind the desk asked.

“Yes, we’re supposed to meet with a man in room 405,” Ralf said. “It’s an important business meeting, strictly confidential.”

“Okay, elevators are over there.”

As they rode the elevator to the fourth floor, Ralf put his ear to the wall and sighed wistfully. “Ahhh, the sounds this contraption makes are really quite lovely, don’t you think, Flori?”

“I agree, but we must keep focused. We’re in dangerous territory right now.”

“You’re right. God, I hope Emil is okay…”

The elevator reached the fourth floor. Ralf and Florian located room 405 and knocked three times, like they were instructed to do. Silence. And then, the door opened. The hotel room was lit with a strange red lighting that intimidated Ralf but also excited him at the same time. Red was such a bold color, maybe an all red album cover or red stage costumes would be a good idea, he thought.

In the middle of the room, Robert Fripp sat in an armchair with a white rabbit in his lap. “Ah, I’m so glad you could make it. I’ve been expecting you.”

“Where’s my friend? Is he okay?” Ralf said.

“Give me the money first.”

Florian threw down the briefcase. Fripp smiled. “Excellent. Now we’ll just have to count it to make sure it’s all there and you can have your friend back.”

But before Fripp could even get out of his chair, the glass in the window shattered as a figure broke through. Fripp swung his head around and scowled. “Jamie! I thought I told you to go back to Scotland.”

Jamie stood up and took out a firecracker from his coat pocket. “You’re a rotten bastard, Mr. Fripp.” He flicked on a lighter and lit the fuse. “I’m gonna take me revenge, now.”

Jamie threw the firecracker on the ground. Ralf and Florian ducked behind the bed as it exploded and a fire started, right in the middle of the room. “Oh shit! Oh fuck!” Fripp said. He lifted up his rabbit and hurried outside the door 

“Shit,” Florian said. “Ralfie, we need to get out of here!”

“But Emil!” 

Florian had to drag Ralf out into the hallway. Smoke was filling the air and the fire alarm begin blaring. “Where’s the stairs?” Florian said looking around frantically.

“I don’t know.” Ralf could barely speak as he was coughing too much.

Florian dropped to the floor. “We should crawl so we don’t inhale any more of that smoke.”

“Okay,” Ralf said. They both managed to crawl all the way to the emergency stairwell. Once inside, they got up and scrambled down the stairs to the outside doors.

 

Karl and Wolfgang were back from taking a stroll through the the red light district, eating from softserve cones, when they saw that the hotel was on fire. “Oh no! What happened!” Karl said.

“I don’t know, I hope Ralfie and Flori are oka- look!” Wolf pointed to a couple of men that were carrying Emil, tied and gagged, into a van. It was the same men that they “borrowed” from a week ago.

“They got Emil!” Karl said. “Those bastards!”

“Karl, let’s take Florian’s car and follow them.”

“What? I don’t think thats a good idea…”

“We have to do it for Emil!” Wolfgang jumped in the driver’s seat.

“How are you gonna drive it without the keys.”

“I know how to hot-wire cars. Don’t ask how I know.”

Karl and Wolfgang drove off after the van in Florian’s car. The moment they left, Ralf and Florian popped out of the emergency exit. 

“Dude, where’s my auto?” Florian said. 

“What? Oh no..." The stressfulness of their current situation was bearing down on Ralf like a pile a bricks.

Fortunately, Florian knew just what to do. “Ralf, we cannot think under these circumstances. Let’s go to one of those bathhouses and relieve our minds."

"But..."

"Let's go!"

 

Ralf and Florian had a sauna room all to themselves. “God, its like a sauna in here,” said Ralf.

“Mhm,” Florian hummed as he closed his eyes and sank into his happy place. Ralf swung his leg over to straddle Florians lap, which woke him back up. “Ralf?” Ralf kissed him before he could say anymore.

Florian’s hands grabbed at Ralf’s hips and slowly moved upwards to his curls as the kiss was deepened. He felt arousal growing in his stomach. They were wearing nothing but towels around their waists so their bare chests rubbed against each other. Florians slightly fuzzy chest up against Ralf’s hairless one.

Ralf lightly scratched at Florians torso with his fingertips. He felt his heart beating against his palm, while Floiran rubbed his dick through the towel. Ralf whimpered at the sensation. “Ah please touch me, liebe,” Ralf said he tugged at Florian’s hair (what little he could grab onto at least, since Flori was keeping it a bit short these days). Florian hissed and bucked his hips up, his dick, still covered in the towel, rubbing against Ralf’s taint.

They kissed again, Florian slid his hands down to Ralf’s ass and gave it a very strong squeeze. Ralf moaned, still quiet and breathy as usual, and spread his legs wider, causing his towel to fall off, exposing his cock. Florian smiled and stroked him as he kissed his neck up and down.

Ralf shuffled a bit to remove Florian’s towel from below him freeing his own cock. Florian bucked again and Ralf almost squeaked in delight. They rubbed their cocks together, slowly finding a rhythm. Ralf “humped” Florian faster and faster, bouncing up and down in his lap, while Florian jerked them both off, stretching his hand out to cover them both.

They both came at the same time, Ralf laying his head into the crook of Florian’s neck and Florian moaning into Ralf’s ear, sending shivers up and down his spine.

“That was good, Ralfie,” Florian said.

“Yeah… it was really good,” Ralf panted. “Now that we have that out of the way, how are we gonna rescue Emil?” 

“I don’t know… Didn’t we leave the money in the hotel?”

“I think so.” Ralf thought for a moment before he reached the logical conclusion of the money’s fate. “Christ, it’s all burnt to ashes now, isn't it.”

“We’ll think of something… Maybe we should try to find Karl. And Wolfgang too, I guess.”

But, little did they know, Karl and Wolfgang were far outside the city’s borders, hot on the tails of the white van. Karl reclined back in his seat and looked over at Wolfgang who was driving the car very erratically. “Do you even have a plan for what we’re gonna do when we catch up these guys?”

“Not yet, but I’ll come up with something!”

“Of course.” Karl smirked. “You know, you’ll have a lot of explaining to do to Florian after this is over.”

“Don’t even remind me, I’ll deal with that when it comes. Bad enough that Ralf seems to have it out for my blood at times. I mean, he’s a good friend but…” Wolfgang stared out the side window, ponderously. “I wonde-”

“WOLFGANG! LOOK OUT!”

Karl grabbed the wheel and swerved the car, just in time to dodge a stag that had wandered onto the road.

“Mein Gott, please be more careful!” Karl said, trying to catch his breath. 

“I’m sorry, Liebling…”

“It’s okay, wait, what did you just call me?”

“Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.”


	6. The Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i completely gave up in the middle of writing this i think you can tell

Wolfgang and Karl followed the van until it led them to an old castle, probably all the way back from the days of the Holy Roman Empire or perhaps even earlier. Wolf stopped the car just outside the walls of the ancient building, and got out.

“What are you doing?” Karl asked.

“Stay here, Karl. I am going to rescue Emil and I don’t want you to be in danger.”

“You can’t go in there by yourself! You don’t know what you’re doing!”

“Karl please. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you...”

Karl put his face in his palms. “Okay, fine. I’ll be waiting out here.”

Wolfgang nodded and Karl watched as he walked off into the foreboding structure. “Oh Wolfy, meine Liebe... Such an idiot going off into that place alone. Good thing I’m a morosexual or this kind of thing would really start to annoy me.”

He got out of the car and walked slowly towards the castle doors. After all, someone had to look after Wolfgang...

Wolfgang wandered throughout the courtyard, trying to locate a good point of entry. Little did he know, a shadowy figure was creeping up behind him. The figure wrapped it’s strong arms around his torso and placed a hand over his mouth to stifle his screams. Wolf struggled, trying to wiggle out of his captors arms but it was no use. The other man was simply too strong

‘Maybe Karl was right,’ Wolfgang thought. ‘I should exercise more...’

Karl had ducked into some bushes to hide from the guard. He watched as Wolfgang was dragged inside the castle, not knowing what sort of horrors lie within. “Wolfy, no...” Now he had two people to rescue.

But how was he to get inside, he wondered. That was when he noticed a small hole in the castle, a crawlspace. Karl figured it was just big enough for him to squeeze into so he got on his knees and wiggled inside like a rabbit going under a garden fence.

As Karl crawled through the tunnel, bits of light shinning through the cracks in the wall shone upon the cobwebs lining the walls and on the slimy skins of some slugs that had took up residence in this unholy place. Karl shuddered. He pondered on his life and all the events leading up to him being in this horrible situation.

Thankfully his trial was soon over. He had reached the other side, a spacious chamber with a cage hanging in the middle. Karl picked a slug out of his hair, cringing. He’d have to take a shower as soon as possible. But now he had a mission. he picked up a pebble lying on the cold stone floor and threw it at the cage, wondering if anyone was inside.

Sure enough, a mass of brown curls popped up. “Was?” Emil said.

“Emil, it’s me Karl!”

“Oh goodness, what are you doing here by yourself?”

“Well I would’ve had Wolfgang with me but he decided to go off on his own and he got caught, so here I am!”

Emil facepalmed. “Of course Wolfgang would do something as stupid as that. Where is Ralf and Florian?

“Uh, Frankfurt probably?,” Karl said. “I mean we took Florian’s car so unless they got on the train i don’t see how they coul-”

“Wait you TOOK Florian’s car? Without his permission?”

“It was Wolf’s idea, okay! He just roped me into it. And he did it to help you out of this predicament so you should be thanking us.”

“You sure are doing a good job of that, aren’t you. Jesus Christ, Wolfgang already got caught by those awful people...”

“I’m not like Wolfgang though. He thinks with his uh, heart instead of his mind.”

Karl quickly shut his mouth when he heard the sound of footsteps “Shit!” He looked around for a place to hide. He spotted a barrel in the back of the room so he jumped inside and stayed perfectly still.

Two men walked in, one blonde and one brunette. “John, I swore I heard something in here,” the blonde man muttered.

“I think you’re hearing things Bill,” John said.

Bill scoffed. “Okay fine.”

Karl sighed in relief when he saw them leave. He popped out of the barrel and pushed it to the cage and hopped on top of it so he could reach the lock. He pulled out a bobby pin and expertly picked the lock open so that Emil could get out.

“How do you know how to do that?” Emil asked.

“What? This?” Karl pointed to the bobby pin. “A gemini never reveals his secrets.”

“Fair enough. Now let’s get out of here.”

The two poked their heads out the doorway to see if the coast was clear and then ran down the hallway. “I think the way out is over here.” Emil pointed toward a staircase.

“Wait!” Karl said. “We can’t leave! Wolfgang is still here!”

“Oh yeah, him. We can just call the police and lead them over here.”

“Hm. Ja, that would be the smart thing to do I suppose.”

There was a shout from the other side of the hall followed by a scream “What was that?” Karl said. “Is Wolf in trouble?”

“That didn’t sound like Wolfgang”

Indeed, it was not Wolfgang but actually David Cross, King Crimson violinist, who now had a sewing needle jabbed in his shoulder “Oh please GOD, GET IT OUT!”

Wolfgang stood over his body holding several other needles in his hands. He knew this was his chance to escape. And he had to take it now because the others were on their way.

Karl and Emil hurried back out to the courtyard. “Do you have the keys to Florian’s car?”

“Ja, Wolfy left them with me.”

“Thank god.”

“Wait... look!” Karl pointed towards Wolfgang who was being chased around the castle grounds by Bill, John and Fripp. The trio were carrying knives and pitchforks, Wolf was no match with his pointy little sticks.

“We have to help him!”

“Say no more.” Karl rushed towards the Mercedes-Benz, turned the ignition on, and drove high speed at the Crimson Menaces, running them over in an act of (attempted) vehicular manslaughter.

“KARL! WHAT DID YOU DO!” Wolfgang shouted.

“I saved you Wolfy! Why are you being so ungrateful?”

“You KILLED them.”

Karl looked at the bodies of the men. As if by the good grace of the Lord above, all three started to stir. “They’re not dead, see?”

“Oh okay...” Wolfgang embraced Karl. “You saved me! I love you, Karl..

“I love you too, Wolfy.. more than a platonic way too...”

“You mean?”

Karl nodded. “Maybe we can discuss things when we get back home.”

“Of course!”

Emil, Karl, and Wolfgang left in Florian’s car, leaving Bill, John, and Fripp on the ground. Fripp balled his fists and pounded them on the ground. “This is it! I’m through! I’ve had it! I’m done! No more King Crimson! I hate you all! I hate music!” He got on his feet and dusted himself off. “Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find Mr. Eno. He's the only one who gets me.”

“Ow my ribs.” Bill clutched his chest as he got up. “Wait for me, Bob!”

“Wait, what am I supposed to do now?” John said. But he was all alone.

John eventually made his way back to England, where he found a fine young man by the name of Eddie Jobson. But after a few years of bliss, Eddie broke his heart and joined forces with Yes, who kicked him out after four minutes (despite being a good musician). Worst of all, King Crimson started up again and Fripp didn't even bother to call. And so John moved to Asia to cope with his sorrows.

But that's another story for another time.

 

Florian was pretty upset that Wolfgang had took his car. And to make matters worse there were a couple of dents in the front and neither Wolf nor Karl, not even Emil would tell him what caused it.

“Let’s just lock Wolf in one of the closets at KlingKlang, until he tells us what happened,” Ralf suggested.

“WHAT? You’re mad!” Wolfgang said.

“Look, how about we just help pay for the repairs and we forget this ever happened,” Karl said.

Florian and Ralf looked at each other in silence. Moments like these always made Wolfgang and Karl uncomfortable. It was like they were speaking to each other telepathically.

Finally, Florian spoke. “Okay, very well.”

 

A few days later, Wolfgang and Karl had officially become a ‘thing.’ They kept it a secret from Ralf and Florian for a while but eventually they were caught making out in the studio breakroom one night. Not that Ralf and Florian really cared. Then came the night when they consummated their love at last...

Wolfgang went down the hall and was greeted by Karl standing in the doorway of his bedroom, wearing nothing but a bathrobe. Wolfgang smacked his lips and walked up to him, wrapping his arms around him. “Oh Karl, my Liebling...” They kissed briefly. Karl stepped back towards the bed, tugging on Wolfgang’s scarf to lead him over, like he was a puppy on a leash.

They kissed over and over. Wolfgang shuffled out of his clothes and pushed Karl onto the bed. Flat on his back, Karl shimmied up until his head was rested comfortably on the pillows. Wolfgang climbed over him, looking very much like a hungry dog who had just been handed a nice, juicy steak.

“You have no idea how much I’ve longed for this,” Wolfgang whispered into Karl’s ear, sending shivers through Karl’s body.

“I love you,” Karl said. He gasped as Wolfgang suddenly bit down on his shoulder. He arched his back to buck his hips into Wolfgang’s, grinding their cocks together.

Wolfgang reached out for the lube on the nightstand. “I love you too,” he said.

Karl cried out as Wolfgang’s slicked up finger entered him. It was quite a sight for Wolf to behold, Karl squirming around in pleasure. He added another finger as Karl’s breathing got heavier, more labored.

“Oh god, oh god... Wolfgang...”

Wolf moved off of Karl and positioned himself between Karl’s legs. He gave Karl’s cock a long, sensuous lick with his tongue, before engulfing it in his mouth. It was almost TOO stimulating for Karl to take. He grasped the sheets as Wolfgang added a third finger, twisting it inside him.

“God, fuck me...”

“With pleasure.” Wolfgang got on his knees and pulled Karl into his lap, positioning him right over his cock.

“God stop teasing me, just do it,” Karl whispered, and with that, Wolfgang slid right on in. Karl moaned in Wolf’s ear, his voice so soft and light. Wolfgang pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around him and tracing circles in the skin with his fingernails. He tried to take it slow (he had no idea if Karl had done something like this before after all) but karl bounced wildly up and down in Wolf's lap, riding him like he was on top of a bull at a rodeo show.

They kissed, sliding their slick tongues over one another. Wolfgang bit down on Karl’s lip, and Karl responded by digging his claws into Wolf’s back, leaving pink streaks across his shoulder blades. The sensation was almost too much

“Liebling, please...” Wolfgang panted out. “You hurt me when you do that...”

Karl was about to say sorry but Wolfgang suddenly bucked his hips into him and he gave a loud sharp cry instead. He felt his muscles tensing more and more and somehow he knew that Wolf was getting closer as well. He kissed Wolfgang again, wrapping his arms around his neck. He came all over his lover’s stomach, moaning into Wolf’s mouth. The moaning turned into a soft whimper as Wolfgang kept thrusting into him until he finally reached his own orgasm.

Wolfgang lowered Karl onto the bed, his limp dick sliding out. “Do you want some water, liebe?” Karl nodded.

Wolfgang left the room momentarily and came back with a damp towel and a glass of water. He cleaned up the mess they made and crawled into bed. Karl joined him under the covers, and they held each other tight all night long.

The next morning, Karl woke up to the phone ringing so he got up to answer it. It was Ralf, calling from KlingKlang. Apparently, he had some very important news.

“Who was that?” Wolfgang said, as Karl hung up the phone.

“Ralf.”

“What does he want?”

“Nothing. He just told me that Autobahn became a hit I guess.”

“Oh!” Wolfgang’s eyes lighted up. “That’s wonderful!”

“Ja, and you know what else?”

“What?”

“We’re touring America.”

THE END…?


End file.
